My grandpa had to be put in long term care, he hated it, he stopped eating, he died on his birthday coincidently, I’m sure that was his plan, very cool exit date

My great great grandma passed at 98. My uncle told my other 98 year old great great grandma the other had passed, she died the next day. Almost like a- fuck yeah i outlived my competition type deal

My mom’s dad and mom passed, i wasn’t super close to them.I remember my dad woke me up when i was in junior high to tell me my grandma died, we were 7 hours away, my mom was dealing with that with her siblings.

When my moms brother died, they we’re close, i didn’t know him too well, but i did once steal a polished rock from his house when i was 5 years old. Apparently a gypsy put a good luck curse on it, i still have that rock today, now next to my uncles photo. At his funeral the family dynamics were tense. My now husband had to tell me to give my Mom a hug, she lost her best friend and closest brother, i didn’t get it, i never understood grief, and i don’t think i do even now

My dad told me he was planning to exit the world 6 months prior. Many things happened. He got second medical chances and still chose to leave. I got a whole week with him to talk all the talks, say our goodbyes, eat all the food, get closure. I then got another night with him to craft together. I got a lot of pre grieving, i got a week of closure, i got a last night with him. I chose to block him and i regret never speaking to him again but i still know he got my emails saying i love you dad. He called me a few days before he chose, i never got the call, he left me a phone tribute of our life together, i got it all, and 3 years later I’m still devastated.

I got closure, i got pre grief, i got 5 amazing goodbyes from him, and I’m terrified of losing someone else in any other way.

I don’t know true grief, i don’t know sudden loss, and i surely don’t know watching someone you love wither away and suffer until they leave the earth. I got the best kind of grief, and i feel bad about it, and I’m terrified of real grief

I’ve become weird. I keep many sentimental things, even Christmas tags my mom has written my name on. My dad left me an entire story book and his drawings, my mom refuses to put effort into any written or verbal stories to leave me with.

I’m paralyzed now by the fear of losing ny mom or my husband, but really I’m paralyzed by the fear of regret. Even though i can try my best to make every moment amazing, it won’t be enough, and i don’t even know what real grief is to try to pre plan and brace myself for what’s coming, like i had with my dad.

In terrified of grief. The sadness i still feel with everything i got that most people don’t get is overwhelming. I’ll never get over missing my dad and those regrets. And I’m now paralyzed by fear of regret and fear of every moment being the last.